A Girl’s Guide for Boys on Tinder

While I haven’t gotten many matches on Tinder – I’m fat, it’s just what happens – my frequent use of it and my knack for observing human nature has moved me to write this post. Through my perusal of Tinder, I came to realise that some guys just have no idea how to construct a profile that would in any way entice a lady to swipe right. While this provides entertainment for me, as some pictures are truly ridiculous – it’s certainly not the way to get my attention romantically. It depends what you’re on Tinder for, of course. A lot of people are on Tinder for flings, in which case most of this is useless – but if you’re looking for dates, then here are some tips from a girl who’s looking for more than a hook-up.

Pictures

Your profile picture is a first impression, and generally first impressions last. Here are some don’ts for your main picture – these made me swipe left immediately, without even bothering to go in to the profile.

Do not:

  • have gym photos, especially when you show off your abs (this can be intimidating for me as a non-Gym Junkie, and I figure you’re too high maintenance)
  • have glamour photos (creepy)
  • have a picture only of a car (you standing next to your car is fine)
  • have a picture of your dog (sure, he’s cute…but unless you’re in the picture I’m just gonna assume your dog stole the phone and set up his own profile. That could happen, you know.)
  • have a picture where you are so far away from the camera your face can’t be seen
  • have a cartoon/avatar version of yourself
  • have a picture with 20 mates (I don’t know which one you are and probably don’t care)
  • have a picture of you, with a snow helmet and goggles on
  • make an obscene gesture (you look like an immature asshole)
  • show your penis (yes, it happens a lot)
  • have a picture of you and a girl who is obviously your ex-girlfriend/wife
  • have a picture of you and five beautiful girls
  • look drunk

Do:

  • show your face
  • show a part of your personality – if you love to travel, post a picture of you on holidays etc
  • keep it simple (selfies are fine, if they show off your features – not your penis)

Here is my first photo – just a plain old selfie, you can see my whole face, but I also threw in my Marvel phone case to show my geeky side.

FullSizeRender

As for other pictures within your profile, the ones behind the profile, this is when you can pull out the group shots – all other rules above apply though.

Profile

If your picture is good, a prospective date will usually click on your picture to find out more information about you – unless your picture is THAT good, and they just swipe right without any further details. A lot of people don’t seem to have anything written in their profiles and this really annoys me – it’s usually the deciding factor for me when voting yes or no. If your picture is okay, but I don’t get an immediate reaction, finding an empty profile will mean that I haven’t been persuaded to give you more of a chance based on your personality. Make a profile, it’s worth the effort. Here are some tips for creating a profile, based on the better ones I have encountered. You only have 500 characters with Tinder, make them count.

Do not:

  • have your snap chat name, and nothing else (I’m not 12, I don’t use snapchat)
  • use the following sayings/descriptions (because you sound like a tosser):

one in a million (you’re probably one in ten at best, mate)

genuine guy (…until I try to sexually harass you…)

I’m the real deal (what exactly is the “real deal”?)

  • include bad spelling/punctuation, put some effort in
  • use a quote (no matter how good it is, it makes you seem obnoxious and lazy)
  • talk about being ambitious (all I can think of is Patrick Bateman)
  • pretend to be Zoolander (four profiles and counting…)
  • have one word, like “hey” or “whatsup?”
  • just have your height (I get that this might be important for some people – like my friend who is 6’ and wants someone taller – but does your height define your entire personality????)
  • put advice (“have fun and keep laughing” is nice, but doesn’t tell me about you)
  • describe yourself as “well educated” (you sound like a wanker, and who defines “well educated” anyway??)

Do:

  • describe your passions
  • talk about what you like to do normally (you can’t travel every weekend)
  • talk about what makes you happy
  • mention what you do (only if your job is important to you, and try not to sound like you’ll always be late for dates because you’re stuck at the office)
  • talk about any hobbies

It’s simple, really, but it’s easier said than done. Just try and relax, think about things you would say on a first date and then paraphrase them. Here’s my profile – I tried to include my favourite things in life, how I like to spend my spare time, and a few random facts for fun.

IMG_5078

So, there ya go – some tips for attracting dates on Tinder. I try my hardest to not be so judgey of people, but it’s in my nature. Hopefully my judgeiness will help others.

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